For as long as I can remember I’ve been “sick”. A sick kid with mystery symptoms. Impossible to categorize, frustrating for family, care providers, and myself. The physical symptoms reinforced a message that I felt programmed to believe from day one – that I was not enough.
Despite being surrounded by love as a child, I often felt broken inside, crushed by a world in which I felt too much. And here I oscillated – back and forth between simultaneously feeling too much and feeling that I was not enough. I patch-worked together a world of band aids – first alcohol and drugs before moving on to the more socially acceptable addictions – being a workaholic and exercising constantly. All in an effort to fit in and stop feeling so. damn. much.
But band aids eventually wear out, especially when we’ve tried to be too strong, for too long. I experienced a total collapse – my whole world of suppression could not be maintained and I physically, mentally, and emotionally broke down. I couldn’t work, couldn’t pay my bills, couldn’t care for myself, and couldn’t get out of bed. In an effort to feel less, I got so sick that all my band aids had to be ripped off – at the same time. For the first time in my life, I had to feel it all.
And it sucked.
Some real ‘dark night of the soul’ suffocation.
But it is always darkest before the dawn and in this moment, with nothing to hide behind, I finally realized a universal, earth-shattering truth: I am enough. Even in that moment – broken, with no achievements to present to the world, I was already enough.
Of course, health is holistic and I had to address my whole self – mind, body, and spirit – to come out the other side. Many alternative health treatments helped meld together my pieces but it wasn’t until I fully realized the truth of my enough-ness that I finally felt whole.
Flash-forward and I now share this gospel with the world – I am enough, and so are you. I’m a Naturopathic Doctor, writer, speaker, and truth-teller – to myself, and others. It is not always easy, and some days I feel more broken than beautiful. But I commit to staying bare – feeling the truth in all its wicked beauty. Feeling it all from a place where there is no lie.
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