Straighten up and fly right. Get up and over it. Move on. Let it go. All well meaning ways that we deny the current of emotions that flows through us. Granted, if those emotions have been brewing for a while and you are consistently being told to ‘move on’, your emotions have likely outstayed their welcome within your community. But this does not mean that they must be evicted.
Each of us tends to have a unique understanding of the timeline of emotions – we will let our friends discuss a break-up for a certain period of time and then we are done. We allocate more time for grief, yet most of us reach a max where we feel the story has reached it’s conclusion and it’s time to ‘move on’. We may be much more curt when it comes to discussing illness. Regardless, we establish our max point based on our own experience; we expect others to grieve as we do, be sick as we are, move on as we have – and we feel annoyed when others emotions outstay their welcome.
Where does this leave us? Us, the emoting? When we are told to let it go, where must we let it go, to? And if we’re not ready, who do we turn to?
Consistently being told to ‘let it go’ or ‘move on’ may be a sign that you’ve been trying to work out your emotions through others, rather than letting the emotion work its way through you. We reiterate the details of a story – who said what, who did what, what the cause might be – to the point where we are no longer discussing how we feel, we are dissecting how we think. When we stay cerebrally quarantined, our feelings have free reign, unchecked and unpacked. Continue this process and we strengthen the story, treading a deeper and deeper track of thought patterns that will keep us where we are.
I’ve come to discover that I am released from my emotions when I come to know them with my heart, not my mind. I take my brain out of the equation – the one who is afraid, who wants to find a winner and a loser in the story, who desires to be justified or blameful – and check in with my heart. I create the time and space to do this, to sit quietly and see what’s in there. Sometimes it’s ugly – rage, judgement, criticism, wrongful assumptions – but I feel it out.
I feel it until it is out of me.
Layer by layer, revealing something deeper until there’s nothing left – except acceptance. And if I sit long enough, peace.
You can’t expect anyone else to do this work for you. If a friend or family member has reached their max, take it as a mirror that the one you actually need to talk to is you. And if you find yourself not making the time to be patient with yourself – how can you blame others for not wanting to do it either?
We are released from emotions when we come to know them with heart, not mind Click To Tweet
I feel it out until it is out of me Click To Tweet